My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
porn star boner night. come get it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
