Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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