Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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