I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize