she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
