I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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