I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God I need to hump something, right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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