Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
