I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
