You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
