i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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