It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
