I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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