did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
