dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this will be a night to untag.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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