Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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