it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
