So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
