ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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