My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it glows. i had to have it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
