A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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