I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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