then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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