Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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