At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
