I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
