Kiss
Puke
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
