Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
