What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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