Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
