I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
