If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
