No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
