good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
