listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize