You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
