I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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