Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me they were just razor bumps!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
