i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
