I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
