I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
