This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
