when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
