Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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