I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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