working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
