i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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