So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
