i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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