I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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