I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
