grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
