I accidentally burped into my bong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
