you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
