I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
