I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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