you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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