The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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