there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize