I want to make a zoo with you.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
