we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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