He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
