Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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