is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Randomize