Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
